My Time is NEVER my OWN

As new moms one thing we are never told is that our time is never our own.  How many times do you hear MOM during the day and night?  It never ends and it always seems to be at the worst times.  When we need a minute for just us.  Our kids do not see the hurt, tiredness, alone time we need, struggle, and self-doubt we try and hide from them daily.  Sometimes we need a minute – sometimes we need a break from being mom – sometimes – sometimes – sometimes…

The night is my time.  My time for me after everyone goes to bed.  After I put my boyfriend, kids, and dogs to bed.  I need the time for me to think and look back at the day.  Go through things that I should not have done or said to everyone including the dogs.  And why is it that we only remember the things we should not have said or done and not the good things we did for everyone all day???  This has been a harder than normal weekend for me and that is what has prompted me to write this.  Some days I am tired and just want time for me.  As mom it never ends.  We must be “ON” and “STRONG” all the time.  If my kids, see me upset they are upset and if I am nervous or angry or hurt, I cannot let them see it but sometimes it comes out.

Being a mom is a constant struggle and not just a struggle with our kids but the struggle of the life we will never have again.  The carefree days of only worry about us.  I do not care how old your children are you will always worry about them as a mom.  And the reason I know this is because I am 49 years old and both my parents tell me they worry about me.  I have a whole lifetime of worry ahead of me.  I post on Instagram about taking time for you.  I say on my podcast remember to take time for you.  Why is that so hard for us and why do we feel guilty about it sometimes or all the time.  Some days are harder than others and somedays are amazing but when you wake up in the morning you never know what kind of days it is going to be.  The only thing I know is that whatever day it is it is only like that for that day…. So, if it is a hard day the next day will be better and if it is a great day the next day may not be as great.

For example, I started writing this last night when my day was not the greatest.  And today I do not feel that way.  Our moods can change that fast.  One of my goals this week is to take a nice quite bubble bath with no interruptions.  Have a glass of wine and listen to some music.  It seems that anymore when I try do this is when my daughter wants to come in and talk to me, but I did the same thing to my mom every time…  Pay backs!  

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